I recently started toying with the notion of self edification in my mind. What it meant, how it applied to me... And more importantly what brought about the realization of my "need" for it. In and out it went. What started out as a near fit of brain activity and inner reflection lasted about two hours per day, for about three days, and just like that it became a distant thought. Then I thought about it earlier today after a conversation with my sister in-law.
She told me she had read my work and was impressed and then asked why I'd stopped. I could barely answer myself. Then she said in an excruciatingly awakening tone, "life got in the way"... And just like that i realized a lot about the past three years since I last wrote here. In that time I have become a husband, a father, an entrepreneur.friends have been lost and gained, ties cut, some strengthened. "Such is life", apparently. A lot of people look in the mirror as they dress up, to see if they look ok, for whatever reason.. But seldom do they look deeper for a conscious moment of registering who they are as a person. I'd become one of them.
Life tends to create so much noise in our heads, some necessary some not so much. But both renditions offer little space to inner reflection. I may have been 'driven', trying to 'live a legacy'.. Things I wrote about three years ago. But these philosophical ideas slowly withered away, blurred into nothing but labels in the back of my mind that I could barley regurgitate in bleak phases poisoned by denial. So what is it that took the front seat? What is this noise I speak of? It's simple, whenever one finds themselves unable to reflect on who they are, what they see in the mirror after a deeper look.. What remains of them after what is visible to others has been removed, what is known only to themselves.. Then noise prevails in what is meant to be their core being. A cloudy resemblance of who they are is drowned by life's noise.
Noise erodes purpose. Noise destroys passion. Noise blinds. Noise dampens aspirations and dreams into numb existence characterized by meaningless routine. The irony is that I often come across works that allude to what I speak of. Just the other day I was reading a piece by an author who suggested owning less frees your mind. Could that be my burden? Just how much is 'less'? How does one actually curb this 'noise'? I suppose the first step is acknowledging its presence, just like any other problem solution driven by logic. You can't defeat what you don't know much about, can you?
So... After the mountainous route of realization I arrive back at my initial point of call. Seemingly, I'm armed with a better understanding of what I hope to overcome. Instead of seeking self edification I seek first to understand what it is I am to edify. I'll start with the question, who are you?
She told me she had read my work and was impressed and then asked why I'd stopped. I could barely answer myself. Then she said in an excruciatingly awakening tone, "life got in the way"... And just like that i realized a lot about the past three years since I last wrote here. In that time I have become a husband, a father, an entrepreneur.friends have been lost and gained, ties cut, some strengthened. "Such is life", apparently. A lot of people look in the mirror as they dress up, to see if they look ok, for whatever reason.. But seldom do they look deeper for a conscious moment of registering who they are as a person. I'd become one of them.
Life tends to create so much noise in our heads, some necessary some not so much. But both renditions offer little space to inner reflection. I may have been 'driven', trying to 'live a legacy'.. Things I wrote about three years ago. But these philosophical ideas slowly withered away, blurred into nothing but labels in the back of my mind that I could barley regurgitate in bleak phases poisoned by denial. So what is it that took the front seat? What is this noise I speak of? It's simple, whenever one finds themselves unable to reflect on who they are, what they see in the mirror after a deeper look.. What remains of them after what is visible to others has been removed, what is known only to themselves.. Then noise prevails in what is meant to be their core being. A cloudy resemblance of who they are is drowned by life's noise.
Noise erodes purpose. Noise destroys passion. Noise blinds. Noise dampens aspirations and dreams into numb existence characterized by meaningless routine. The irony is that I often come across works that allude to what I speak of. Just the other day I was reading a piece by an author who suggested owning less frees your mind. Could that be my burden? Just how much is 'less'? How does one actually curb this 'noise'? I suppose the first step is acknowledging its presence, just like any other problem solution driven by logic. You can't defeat what you don't know much about, can you?
So... After the mountainous route of realization I arrive back at my initial point of call. Seemingly, I'm armed with a better understanding of what I hope to overcome. Instead of seeking self edification I seek first to understand what it is I am to edify. I'll start with the question, who are you?
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