Are you just dying?

Here's the thing. I often think to myself of something an old friend once told me. She said to me, Taku, "Live. Don't Exist." It seeps to the front of my brain here and there when I feel my life losing some sort of meaning, when there's too much of mediocrity or monotony and nothing to be actually excited about. Be it vocationally, emotionally, physically, spiritually or mentally.

So yesterday I was thinking about it again, a lot. Not even on purpose. Maybe the other me was just forcing me to think about it. Then I realised that over time I've subconsciously taught myself to stay busy. I don't mean in the sense of working and not having a social life and all that before you start lecturing. I mean in the sense of always having something I'm looking forward to to fulfill me in one way or another. Or having something I'm actively pursuing in the same regard. In the times that I don't have this I genuinely feel like the only thing I'm doing is dying.

Think about it, from the moment you're born, you're dying. In the scientific sense, religious sense or whatever - the next definite thing is dying. I won't include taxes (see what I did there) because not all of us pay them but I digress. From the moment you are birthed into existence you are going through the motions of reaching the final destination. Of course there's stuff that happens in between, but larger picture.. that's all you're really doing. Dying.

So coming back to the notion of being vocationally, emotionally, physically, spiritually or mentally idle I was on about earlier, if you have nothing you're looking forward to, nothing you're excited about coming your way or in front of you right now, the only thing you're actually doing is dying! Weird way to look at it, but it is my truth. What's yours? What are you excited about? What are you expecting or working on to come your way? What is in front of you right now? Are you just dying?

It costs nothing to make someone else smile

I'm a funny guy, at least I've been told I am. I personally think it's a load of crap but I've always been a poor judge of myself so hey, whatever. Of late it has dawned on me more and more that life tends to take us over. We have a tendency to get bogged down in its troubles that we forget we're alive to start with.

Maybe it's all the death I've seen, maybe it's my personal fear that by the time I die myself I wouldn't have stopped enough to smell the roses. That I wouldn't have made enough time to just find something to smile about. But we often underestimate the power of a single smile in our days. Would it hurt to remind the people you care about to smile?

I'm not saying sit everyone and lecture them about the importance of happiness. That's quite a mission. I'm not saying hold yourself high above all and be the custodian of everyone's smiles and shoot them out of your soft belly like Care Bears shot love out of theirs. No one is a saint. I'm simply saying sometimes in a day you may think of someone you care about. You may recognize a pattern in the life of someone you care about, a pattern which you can break with a subtle but powerful gesture. You may realize sometimes you have a gift for a particular person in a particular moment and that gift is the ability to make them smile. Give it. They need it.

We are social creatures, we thrive on the each other and the surrounding social condition. You'd be surprised how much good just making one person smile for whatever reason will do for them. And for yourself.

Make someone smile when you can. It costs nothing.

On my mother in-law's birthday

There's a difference between a mother and a female who happens to bear offspring. Any woman can become the latter while a select few can carry the title of the former. It is because of this fact that the said former is not necessarily a subset of the latter. And it is because of this fact that the woman we are gathered here to celebrate is a mother to many of us in this room, and a particularly special one to me. 

When you mention the fact word special there's nothing actually special about the word itself. What is special is the context, the feelings and emotions one attaches to it. And mama I am here to tell you why you are a special mother to me. 

In the time I have been fortunate to know you as a mother, you are one of two who have seen me for who I am, borne the brunt of all of my flaws, directly or otherwise, set aside all judgement and prejudice and shown me the true meaning of what it means to consciously choose to show love to someone. I often see men behind pulpits and podiums, behind screens and microphones quoting verses and telling people about a thing called love. In this world we live in and the life I have seen so far, it often comes across as mythical in some instances. But in your presence it is something I have seen and believed in. Your love has been tangible, inspirational and influential in many ways I never thought possible. It has been real. In a world where one's soul is tainted daily, where spirits are crushed and misfortunes shape the very outlook of man on life - it is love from a mother like you that stands as a bold and reassuring beacon of hope and comfort. It is love from a mother like you that keep children like myself going. It is the calm and soothing demeanor from a mother like you that, when need be, reminds us all that it is ok to not be ok at times, but that in the end all is well, only in the name of love. It is love from a mother like you that us mere mortals have found no spoken language to utilize to express our endless gratitude. 

Where I come from, people tell each other they love each other all the time. I sometimes feel awkward when I'm in homes and places where people don't. In some homes you only hear those words on birthdays or when someone gets a bonus. But because of who you are to me I could never let that go. On this evening mama, that we celebrate how young you continue to be, as well as who you are to all of us, if I have not said it enough - It's a simple message from me, "I love you, and may your graces continue to grow."

Thank you all

"Evil is making the premedicated (premeditated) choice to be a dick!"

"Evil is making the premedicated (premeditated) choice to be a dick!"

 

This quote from one of my favorite characters from one of my favorite shows ever is one i often use to guide my choices in life when it comes to morality/fairness and such. What do you define as evil? What do you define as being a dick?

Don't be a dick

First of all no one likes a dick. Everyone knows that. How many times have you justified being a dick to someone by saying "Well they did that to me", or "Well i don't owe them anything"? Whatever the justification, it's never ok to be a dick because once you justify it you think you're still ok but in actual fact you're just a dick in denial.

And here's the thing, us humans are social creatures, I always say. There is no known way to determine which person is going to be of undeniable import to you in the future. You never know when you're going to need your janitor or the post man or the man working at the till at your local grocery store. So why be a dick to them? Because you're having a bad day? Because you don't know them?

Here's some advice, you never know who is going to be important to you in the future so assume everyone is and more importantly treat them as such. Life will just be more pleasant for many reasons. Don't be a dick.

The inverse power of impulse

Yesterday I had an email tiff with a co-worker over a silly little misunderstanding. Back and forth we went and boy, did we create quite the colorful thread. After a while when things had calmed down I called him and said "Wapedza kuita hasha here" (Are you done with your anger now?), and we just laughed about it. And funny enough he pointed out an email to me and said, "you know you could've ended this earlier had you just called me and asked what was wrong." Of course he still accepts no blame for the entire situation but that's besides the point. We're just fine, things back to normal, but a valuable lesson picked up.

Upon reflecting i realised by myself, if i had taken two minutes just to breathe, just to even read other emails while i process the situation or even just to stare at the screen and do nothing, then more than likely that tiff would not have occurred. It dawned on me that where i normally prefer to take time to think before i act on something, impulse exerted it's influence over me and boom! Just like that there was a situation to deal with.

We are not all meant to be reflective men, patient men, stop-and-think kind of men. But even where impulsive reaction defines your character, at the very least being conscious of it and it's potential pitfalls can be a good start. A lot of things you find yourself in because of impulsive decisions are mostly easily avoidable. An aunt of mine always says "Be careful, the things you say when you are angry are the best things you will ever regret." I've never quite understood it, semantically, but I just take away the broad idea. Myself, I always say, "When you lose your cool, you lose a lot more." Breathe, count to ten in your head, think before you say what you say, if you don't have anything to say then don't say anything. Curb your impulse.

I won't stop living for the sake of not dying

So quite a while ago i was diagnosed with hypertension - they said it's most likely hereditary, got put on some drugs, advised on lifestyle changes, yadda yadda. The doctor looked at me with a straight face and said "for a young man your age this is abnormal. If you don't take care of this now you can stroke and die at any minute soon as you walk out of that door. And if you don't take the necessary medication you may not see past three years of your life.", "Yikes!!", I thought. I wasn't necessarily heart broken about it, I understand our time here is only but borrowed, death is the natural order of life, from the moment you're born you're already dying - the concept. I get it. So the prospect of dying has never been one that frightens me. I prefer to focus more on the things that happen between me getting born and me dying. At least that i can control. That is not bound by absolute certainty as death is.

So anyway, I changed my lifestyle - at least as much as I was willing to, as much as I could. Eat healthy, exercise, watch the vices and what not. But very often I think to myself "Gosh, so much effort into keeping this shell alive I might actually forget to live if I keep this up!" And that's when it hits me - I really can't afford to not live for the sake of not dying. And here's my take: if you look hard enough, some scientist has made a convincing argument for why what you're eating will kill you. Water, food, wine, beer, whiskey, the friggin air, everything - someone out there has said it will kill you. Even the apparent healthy stuff. These bloody scientists won't make up their minds. But I really don't have time for that to be honest, I won't go around checking the labels next time i want to buy a bottle of single malt.. and damnit if i want to have some bacon, I will have some bacon! So that's my approach to it all. But before you assume this is another one of those "woe is me, i have heart problems" stories this is not. I'm hoping you can at least tell by now.

The diamond in the rough is this: how often in life do we know of people who deny themselves pleasures, opportunities, advancements (living), all in the name of some big invisible mystical caution sign (dying). For those of us who tend to take things literally, don't do so - the living-dying analogy is just symbolic of emancipation to pursue quality of life vs one of restriction. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying live on the edge, live in the fast lane etc... be as calculated as you can if that's how you naturally work. But i feel as a society we've allowed ourselves too many limitations. Expand those "calculations". We've become too damn careful about every aspect of our lives. We've become an army of uptight drones with the odd Steve Jobs type here and there who simply refuse to accept the status quo. I mean really, a lot of the things i find myself almost denying myself (outside of the ones that could potentially harm others of course) are labelled "reckless", "dangerous", "irresponsible". For example, I've taken quite some slack in my time for liking Eminem's music - believe it or not. I believe I'm very clear on the concepts of right and wrong, causality, reaping what you sow and all that, but the confines are all too tight now. Often i feel i have no room to express myself. To be who i want to be without worrying about what the next person will think. To just do what i want to do simply because I enjoy it and not worry about repercussions, even in times where there shouldn't be any. We've built a cage of unspoken societal laws, dos and donts, to jail our very nature as human beings in a lot of things we endevour in the modern world. Is it because of narrow-minded intolerance? Or shall we go all conspiracy theory about it and say it's because of our consumerism - corporations telling us what is ok and what isn't to steer us to their products? It honestly comes as no surprise that some people at some point just opt to live in the woods away from us all because they feel they have no place amongst us. It is not them who have "problems", it is us who have just allowed our minds to become too narrow. All in the pursuit of money and material things have we forgotten to take time to take stock of our existence? The things that actually make us happy, or experience at least the illusion of it - do we actively pursue them? In the times that we don't, what are the reasons? Everyone will think you're crazy? You're not "normal", "normal" people don't do that? Being the social creatures we are, have we allowed inter-social negative bonds like judgment, scorn and such occupy a space too big in our heads? Have we forgotten to live all for the sake of not dying?

Truth be told it really annoys me. I'm not trying to start a revolution or anything, I have much to learn to declare any of my thoughts revolutionary. At least i feel that way anyway. I'm just saying I won't stop living for the sake of dying. Will you? Do you even know the difference?