Here's the thing. I often think to myself of something an old friend once told me. She said to me, Taku, "Live. Don't Exist." It seeps to the front of my brain here and there when I feel my life losing some sort of meaning, when there's too much of mediocrity or monotony and nothing to be actually excited about. Be it vocationally, emotionally, physically, spiritually or mentally.
So yesterday I was thinking about it again, a lot. Not even on purpose. Maybe the other me was just forcing me to think about it. Then I realised that over time I've subconsciously taught myself to stay busy. I don't mean in the sense of working and not having a social life and all that before you start lecturing. I mean in the sense of always having something I'm looking forward to to fulfill me in one way or another. Or having something I'm actively pursuing in the same regard. In the times that I don't have this I genuinely feel like the only thing I'm doing is dying.
Think about it, from the moment you're born, you're dying. In the scientific sense, religious sense or whatever - the next definite thing is dying. I won't include taxes (see what I did there) because not all of us pay them but I digress. From the moment you are birthed into existence you are going through the motions of reaching the final destination. Of course there's stuff that happens in between, but larger picture.. that's all you're really doing. Dying.
So coming back to the notion of being vocationally, emotionally, physically, spiritually or mentally idle I was on about earlier, if you have nothing you're looking forward to, nothing you're excited about coming your way or in front of you right now, the only thing you're actually doing is dying! Weird way to look at it, but it is my truth. What's yours? What are you excited about? What are you expecting or working on to come your way? What is in front of you right now? Are you just dying?
So yesterday I was thinking about it again, a lot. Not even on purpose. Maybe the other me was just forcing me to think about it. Then I realised that over time I've subconsciously taught myself to stay busy. I don't mean in the sense of working and not having a social life and all that before you start lecturing. I mean in the sense of always having something I'm looking forward to to fulfill me in one way or another. Or having something I'm actively pursuing in the same regard. In the times that I don't have this I genuinely feel like the only thing I'm doing is dying.
Think about it, from the moment you're born, you're dying. In the scientific sense, religious sense or whatever - the next definite thing is dying. I won't include taxes (see what I did there) because not all of us pay them but I digress. From the moment you are birthed into existence you are going through the motions of reaching the final destination. Of course there's stuff that happens in between, but larger picture.. that's all you're really doing. Dying.
So coming back to the notion of being vocationally, emotionally, physically, spiritually or mentally idle I was on about earlier, if you have nothing you're looking forward to, nothing you're excited about coming your way or in front of you right now, the only thing you're actually doing is dying! Weird way to look at it, but it is my truth. What's yours? What are you excited about? What are you expecting or working on to come your way? What is in front of you right now? Are you just dying?
